I don’t know why I do these things to myself. During the good times I think I forget how fucked up I am and certain things seem like good ideas. I’ve taken a extra job cleaning motel units. I’m suppose to be studying. I’ve picked up a small third job doing a little online admin. I have let a slightly insane friend with benefits become a slightly insane boarder with benefits (mmmm, benefits…). I’m learning Spanish. I’m trying to keep up with my beading and tutorial writing (which is impossible in such a noisy household). On top of all of this I’m still trying to function as a mother.
It’s really little wonder that I can be occasionally found sitting on the floor of a cold shower rocking back and forth while muttering to myself about questionable life choices.
I think I’m doing okay though, at least externally. My children are alive and well even if I am yelling at them too much lately. My pets are healthy and I believe that I’ve gotten control of the flea situation. I can’t afford to be a drug addict, but my bills are paid and there’s food on the table. My house isn’t nearly as clean as I would like, but it’s not a complete hovel. I haven’t yet eviserated anyone or stuck my head in the oven. Overall, I’m faking functionality quite well, and that’s the main thing, right?