I’ve spent the last few weeks on the cusp of bleakness. Being depression prone, that this happens once or twice a year is something that I accept. I believe that the acceptance of my black cloud makes it more easily managed. But this particular cloud is really pissing me the fuck off. I’m waiting for it to either recede or spill over but it doesn’t seem to want to shift. I think I prefer full blown depression over this indecisive, threatening darkness in the back of my head. At least if I get a proper bout of depression, I know it’s only a matter of time before it’s over. Of course it would be preferable if it just lifted before taking hold, but at this stage, a worsening or an improvement would be welcome, just so long as this purgatory stage goes away.
It’s days like these one feels the lure of Poe, but reading Poe would be to indulge in melancholia and therefore not a wise choice. I should read something a little more cheerful, like Bram Stoker or the Necronomicon. Not the Bible though, that shit is DARK.
The only thing I can do in the mean time is take care of myself. A little more exercise and lots of healthy food and frequent reminders to keep my head in the here and now instead of scattered though the atmosphere flitting from worry to worry. The important thing is to keep on moving.