In many ways, this has been the best year of my life. I’ve become independent after the end of a 12 year relationship. I bought my own home with the help of some amazingly helpful and kind people. I’ve ensured that my children are happy and emotionally secure in their relationships with both parents. I’ve reconnected with my own needs and desires. I have begun to socialise again… a bit… baby steps. I have seen the best and worst in people. I have learned that I’m just fine the way I am.
Sometimes I’m scared. Overwhelmed. I feel like I’m losing grip. I’m juggling chainsaws and I’ve always been pretty clumsy. That’s okay. I’ve juggled chainsaws before and cut myself stem to stern, but I’m still here. The world didn’t end, and it’s not going to end it I fuck it all up now.
Not that I’m in the habit of fucking everything up, but sometimes shit happens. And it sure seems the be happening a lot lately. Without going in to specifics which could cause me a world of trouble, lets just say, I said a thing.
The thing was agreed upon until the thing happened, then it was no longer agreed upon, but it was too late. I was then accused of not saying the thing at all and just doing the thing without permission.
I’m all like, “what the fuck, dude, I totally said the thing!”
The other is all like “Nope, you never said the thing and now you’re going to be punished for doing the thing.”
I’m thinking,”are you fucking serious? I totally said the thing, people heard me say the thing, the thing was written down, you knew about the thing, you said yes to the thing!”
And they say, “Ok yeah, you said the thing, but you didn’t get another thing to do the other thing that needed doing.”
Then I’m all “whoa, whoa, that’s not my responsibility, whose running this thing?”
And they’re all “Well, what you say doesn’t matter because this is the thing that’s happening now and there ain’t jack you can do about it because I’m yelling and yelling wins arguments.”
And I’m just like, “What the fuck just happened?”
And that was my day today. The End.