Weird Kids Help Depression

Lately I’ve been going through the blackest depression I’ve had in years. It’s been a little bizarre because usually I’ve got such a good understanding of my insanity that I can do the whole “fake it til you make it” routine. This time has been different. I’ve been crying at work, at home, in the car, in the shower. I’ve had to avoid the news because I’m aware of a couple of recent child abuse cases that are headlining at the moment, and I can’t bear thinking about it. A few days ago, an innocent (albeit, bad taste) joke threw me into a bleakness that lasted all day. So much so, that I had to sleep a good chunk of the day away just to get a break from my own mind.

The fog has lifted now, and I’ve woken up today with a shining new clarity. I don’t know why it had to happen at 4am; I would have preferred a longer sleep in, but I’ll take it.

When you’re in the pit, you have to cling to things to keep you going. In my case, the ridiculous and my kids pull me through. My 5 year old boy has been both adorable and horrible lately and makes me laugh. He’s been on a “helping” bender; sweeping, unloading the dishwasher, tidying up without being asked. Last night he decided to make the school lunches and declared, “I’ll do anything for you, Mummy.”

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Potentially the face of darkness

 

Conversations with him are on a whole new level at the moment. Between his compulsive lying, (“I drink coffee all the time when I’m at Daddy’s house”) and funny little insights into how his mind works, he’s a laugh a minute. Last week, while I was laying on the couch trying not to cry, he came out with this gold:

Boy-Child: “When I’m 200, will I be a giant?”
Me: “Errrr, no….”
BC: “Why not?”
M: “Um…  you stop growing once you become an adult, and also, by 200 you’ll be dead. People don’t live that long.”
BC (shocked): “But I don’t want to die.”
M (thinking shit shit shit): “Don’t worry, it’s won’t happen for a really really long time. But everyone dies eventually.”
BC: “When will I die?”
M: “I don’t know, maybe when you’re 100.”
BC: “Or 200?”
M: “Probably not.”
BC: “When will you die?”
M: “Not for a very long time, but before you, because I’m older.”
BC: “But who will look after me and {girl child}?”
M: “You won’t need me to look after you. When I die, you’ll probably be a grown up with your own family.”
BC (satisfied with my answer): “When you die, I’m going to fart on your dead body.”

Then he proceeded to tell me that he’s going to prop me up in front of the TV with my eyes taped open and I was simultaneously creeped out and a little proud of my budding Norman Bates.

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One thought on “Weird Kids Help Depression

  1. Maria Lawless says:

    Oh my, he is so funny. Hugs to you all. I know this is true for me as well, our crazy kids can always bring us joy even in the darkest of moments in life. Another great post Jenny.

    Liked by 1 person

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