Some People are Dicks and I Don’t Care

None of us experience any moment in the exact same way as anyone else. Every experience we have is influenced by our own perceptions and biases, our own desires and taboos. Two strangers standing in The Louvre, staring at the Mona Lisa, will both walk away with entirely different impressions. One might be deeply moved, and the other might just wonder where the nearest hot-dog stand is. For this reason, it’s best not to make assumptions. The way we judge others is less to do with what is actually happening in the other persons life, and more to do with how our own experiences are colouring our perception.

This month, I’ve had someone judge me harshly based on his own hang-ups, and bad life experiences or decisions. This person doesn’t know me. He has made assumptions about me built on the foundations of minimal- and mis- information. Once upon a time, I would have been furiously hurt. I would have raged and cried and obsessed. But now, I’m surprised at how little I care. I don’t claim to not care at all, it’s not nice to hear rumours and judgments being passed around about you, but my feelings are not hurt. Because I’m an analytical creature when it comes to human emotions and reactions, I was curious about my own reaction to this piece of unnecessary nastiness. Why didn’t it bother me much?

I came to the conclusion that it didn’t bother me for a couple of reasons. First being that I’m not ashamed of the part of his vile vocal vomit that had truth in it. And there is truth in it, I don’t deny it, but the fact is that it’s got nothing to do with him, so whether it is fact or fiction, is irrelevant. If it’s nothing to be ashamed of, then why feel bad about it? The second reason is, he’s nothing. This person believes himself to be on the moral high ground, but I fail to understand why, given the way he lives his life. But that’s his business, not mine. He’s a person that I don’t deal with in my world, that I see in passing once or twice a week. He has no standing in my life, so why let him have standing in my head?

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“Bro, I’m so fucking Zen right now.”         “Me too, Gary, me too.”

Not long after this interesting little episode, I found out about a betrayal I’d suffered at the hands of someone I once considered to be a friend. This was no small thing. This was a big betrayal that impacted my my health, my mental wellbeing and my ability to provide for my family. This friend continued to pretend to support me through this time, knowing full well, that she had orchestrated the whole thing. I found out a month after the incident. Again I was surprised at my lack of anger. There was some anger, but nothing like what I would have expected. It was simply a matter of “what’s done is done, I can’t undo it,” and the knowledge that this person will never again be a part of my life. The psychological state of the person in question is clearly askew, which I also find a little fascinating. Particularly after discovering that these motive-less manipulations and sabotages are a common theme in her relationships. We’re all damaged in our own ways.

Those that have known me for a long time, will understand why this personality change is so confounding to me. I’ve gone from being an aggressor to a pacifist in such a big way that I’m almost a different person. But a happier person who is at peace with herself.

So long story short, you can’t fuck with me cuz I have inner peace, bitches! Booyah!

 

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2 thoughts on “Some People are Dicks and I Don’t Care

  1. Can’t even…I actually love this post Jen, Probably cos I’m finding the same thing. Just about all drama at the moment is lost on me…I almost feel sorry for people, who’s going to react to their drama if not me? Still though, what a dick, that guy! Haha, that poor guy will have to work our his dickness without you if he ever wishes to reach your level of zen. (Also that’s about my level of caring these days, that “what a dick”, that is all. Not disconnected like past experience would have expected, more like, “oh, I wonder what’s up with you to make you such a dick, oh well maybe you’ll figure it out someday and stay away from me in the meantime”.) Anyways, so I guess I was actually saying, “Me too, Jen, me too.”

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