I met a man. He’s funny, kind, sexy, tattooed (omigosh, tattooed haaaannds), we have tons in common and we even share the same warped sense of humour and geeky love of puns. Ok, my sense of humour might be a little sicker. Thing is, due to circumstances beyond our control, a relationship is off the table. This makes me a little sad at times, the idea that it’s probably never going to be an option. But I’m a practical person, and I can see that it wouldn’t work as things are right now. To pursue it now would only end in bitterness and frustration.
If I’m entirely honest with myself, and these days I mostly am, I don’t want a serious relationship with anyone. Sure, sometimes I’m lonely. Sometimes I wish I had someone to cuddle. Someone to talk to. Someone to text when something funny or awful happens. Someone to fuck. What I don’t want, is to share my living space day in and day out. Someone to fight with about who has to do the dishes. Someone to disagree with about parenting with. Someone to get irritated with me when I’m sick and whiny, or PMSing. I’m not prepared to commit to the mundane parts that make up day to day life in a romantic union.
I don’t want a boyfriend. I want a best friend. A cuddly best friend. A cuddly, tasty, best friend who I can have great sex with and leaves me floating on my afterglow cloud of happiness. And that’s what I’ve got, at least for now.
I’m not naïve, I know that eventually Sexy Hands will meet someone and our time will be over, but I’m happy that I’ll be able to look back on it as a time in my life where I was content. A time when someone good helped me learn to kinda sorta like myself, and showed me that it’s possible for someone to like and care about me the way I am. That just maybe I am good enough. I hope that we can remain friends after it’s all over, but I’m realistic too. What woman in her right mind would let her partner hang out with his old Slam Piece? If he found a woman that open minded, I might be tempted to try and get in on that action myself.
Maybe this will last only another week, maybe a year, either way, it’s been time well spent. One can never tell what the future might hold, which is why it’s important to enjoy right now. You can’t control tomorrow. Put your energy in to enjoying today and caring about the people worth caring about.