Home Sweet – *cough, cough – ack! groan…*

Here we are, all moved in, but still so much to do. I can’t completely unpack until the wardrobes have had a thorough clean, but it’s home, and I love it. The kids love it too, which is great. I’m amazed at how well they’ve coped with our separation. Little Man is young enough to adapt to anything, and Miss is taking it in her stride. She’s a little sad about not living with her Daddy, but she’s happy that he has to take time off working when it’s his weekend to have the kids. She’s looking forward to getting to spend real quality time with him. I think it’s a win-win for everyone.

Little Man and I both have been struck down by some wretched virus, which is taking some of the fun out of moving house. Poor little guy is a bit of a wreck and Nanny is driving over to take care of him for a couple of days so I can work. Not that I feel like working, but, you know, responsibility and being a grown up, blah blah blah.

Ex bought around some TV dinners because he thought I wouldn’t feel like cooking; which was really, really nice of him, but it took all of my willpower to suppress my inner bitch and not snap, “would have been nice if you’d given a fuck every other time I was sick”. Last time I was sick, he told me he wanted a divorce.Β  But I am not Inner Bitch, and she is not me. She just hovers a little too close to the surface every now and then. Today Inner Bitch is taking advantage of my weakened constitution. I must be nice to Ex, he’s being nice to me.

divorce-dog-meme

People often tell me how wonderfully we get on and how funny we are together, which is nice, but not entirely true. The truth is, like any relationship breakdown, there was a reason it ended. No one ends on a happy note. We have years of resentment and anger bubbling away under the surface. We both believe that the other is more at fault (he totally is). I think I’m a little better at keeping my anger in check than he is, and he makes up for his “moments” with generosity and practical help. The anger has already begun to dissipate, but it’ll probably never be entirely gone. It’s good finally being out from under the same roof, we rule our own domains. But that doesn’t mean we can’t still have a drink and share a joke every now and then.

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2 thoughts on “Home Sweet – *cough, cough – ack! groan…*

  1. It’s good to see you are doing well and taking your divorce well too. My marriage has been on the rocks for some time now and can relate to the things you’ve said about blame and that inner bitch that comes out. My hubby is currently in rehab. (1 for me, 0 for hubby) finally getting the right help he needs and then off to marriage counseling. We hope to make it through as we too have two kids. I hope the best for you and your family πŸ™‚ I enjoyed reading your post πŸ™‚

    Like

    • The blame game is an easy one to play, and it’s a natural human reaction. The important thing is that you don’t let it colour your interactions with the other person. Well, not too much. We place blame because it absolves us of responsibility for our own faults. For me, It’s about reminding myself that my anger is redundant because I wanted out anyway.

      But he’s still a total dick.

      Liked by 1 person

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